10 unwritten rules of Facebook

Yes, that’s what I wrote. The guy needs to exteriorize it. These following rules are universal. We could add another million rules, but I chose those which were…more important – let say it like that.

Original French text here | Translation brought to you by Brad Lucas

©Facebook©Jonathan Courchesne

©Jonathan Courchesne

1. Never “Like” your own status.

You really don’t need to. If you wrote the status, it’s probably because you like it, otherwise, you wouldn’t have just written it, oui? The “like” takes us back to the desperate need to be read and “popular”. You’re labeling yourself an attention whore. Have a little modesty and dignity sometimes, it doesn’t hurt.

2. Never chat with a friend, ad infinitum, on a status about something unrelated.

In common parlance, it’s called a “hijacking”. You’re just polluting your friend’s status with stuff that has no actual relevance to the conversation. Not only that, they’ll receive a notification each. fucking. time! There’s a nice feature called “Private Message” if you want to motormouth with someone. Use it.

3. Never take part in chain statuses.

You know, those “Paste this on your wall if …” “Only 99% of people will copy this message …”. You know the kind of false guilt that doesn’t actually change anything in reality, apart from polluting the news feed of all your friends! It’s unpleasant, usually full of mistakes (see Rule # 10) and sharing certainly isn’t going help to fix anything. PS: No, Facebook will never pay. NEVER!

4. Never write status that gives no information [aka Vaguebooking]

Eg: “Oh woe is me…”, “Why do these things happen to me?”, etc. Again, these are people who just want the attention. The only advice I can give is: Refrain. You’re making a bad impression to Facebook friends when they read it. Don’t ever do it!

5. If you do # 4, never answer “It’s too complicated to explain”  or “I do not want to talk about it.”

You’re an attention demanding friend, and annoying. That’s just horrifying. Don’t! Facebook is not your personal diary.

6. Don’t  just accumulate Facebook friends to look “popular”

The world knows you’re not popular.

7. Squabbling couples, friends or others – do it in private.

I think it says what it has to say.

8. Invitations to games, this is big NO.

If we wanted to help you build a fountain of friendship on your farm in FarmVille or orange cones in CityVille, we’d already be playing. Stop the harassment please! Even if I can block it,  I’d have to do it for all the new games you get addicted to. I know, I’ve been there, but nothing in this world will make be do that again!

9. No daily announcements of love for your significant other in your status.

It is not that we’re not happy to see you happy, but … you wouldn’t French kiss them in my face in reality. It’s just very awkward and unpleasant. Also, can you stop twisting the knife in the wound of your single friends. Again, use private messages!

10. Proofread

This, I think is the most important. Seriously, if you write a single sentence and I can find more than 10 mistakes, my eyes bleed. So what if your status is posted a minute or two later? It’s not the end of the world, besides, it’ll be without mistakes and it will make it more enjoyable for everyone. You have time to read before publishing. It’s not a 1500 words essay, it’s two or three lines of text. Force yourself!

Bonus: There’s a new version of Facebook? Get. Over. It.

Not matter how much you complain about wanting the old one back, you can’t, besides, everyone has to adapt in life. So do like everybody else. There’s nothing stopping you from chatting about it with your friends over coffee, but please, spare the Facebook community!

Do you agree with that ? Which one are the worst ?


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